Those With Young

"....(He will) gently lead those who are with young." Isaiah 40:11b

She Brings Him Good

"She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12

The meaning of "bring" hints at repaying. So we are to not only always bring good, but to repay good rather than evil ALL.THE.DAYS.OF.OUR.LIFE."

Wow! That means that when I'm not given good by him, I have to put my big girl panties on and be good anyway. My childrens' voices are echoing in my head. "That's not fair!"

I keep thinking how many times in marriage we get caught in the crazy cycle:

• "I'll meet his love language when he meets mine!" All the while he is thinking, "I'll meet hers, when she meets mine."
• "I'll show him respect, when he shows me some love." All the while he is thinking, "I'll show her love, when she shows me some respect."
• "I'll be good to him, when he is good to me......

....and on and on it goes, until someone grows up and breaks the cycle.

Will it be you?

Do you have the guts? It isn't easy, because even if you have the guts, you can't brag about it....or you've defeated the whole purpose.

Any of you out there know what I'm talking about?

So today, ask God how you can do your husband good. I'm asking too!

Full Confidence in Her

"Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." Proverbs 31:11

Trust me, I know better than to start an exhaustive study on the Virtuous Woman right now, but I have been praying for a few verses to look at this week that will help us be better wives...love our husbands in their language.

This is the one God laid on my heart first. I don't have a lot to say really. It is more of a question for us to think over. Does my husband have full confidence in me? Is his heart/mind/understanding/courage able to fully rely on me, trust in me, and believe in me?

I'm going to spend some time today asking God to show me areas in my life that he may not be able to say that. I encourage you to do the same.

Extra credit: Isn't that a silly concept? O.K. the extra credit isn't by any means for me...or even for God. It is purely for your husband. If you're brave (and humble), ask your husband if there are areas where he has difficulty trusting you. Bring Kleenex.

Don't Forget

Don't forget to e-mail your pictures and comments about your Valentine's Verse Project to me at thosewithyoung@roadrunner.com.

We will share them this Friday!

Great Marriage Books...I've found along "The Journey"

This week's topic has generated some interesting discussion and great questions.I kind of feel like this submission topic is sometimes like peeling the layers of an onion. There are so many reasons why we may struggle, and sometimes it takes a while to get to the bottom of it.

It could be that:

1. We just don't like authority, but would rather be in control ourselves.
2. We just don't understand submission.
3. We just flat out don't respect our husband.

Today, I simply want to share with you some great books that have helped me love my husband more and also "love on" my husband more. Maybe one of them will strike a chord with you. I decided to not even go pouring over my bookshelves to look for them. I'm simply going by the ones that changed me enough to stick out in my memory.

P.S. I do like to read. :)

The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian, has to be one of the best books I ever bought. Let me tell you why. It is simple, yet profound. Stormie takes 30 topics that are major in a man's life and writes a chapter about them. The first time I went through it, I read the whole book. But this book has been the resource I pull out over and over again.

When my husband is struggling with a certain topic, I can pull out the book, look it up, and remind myself how to pray. Sometimes I just grab it, and look up the chapter for whatever day of the month it is and pray that prayer.

The biggest reason I love this book? Sometimes, especially when you have lots of little ones, your heart is just to exhausted to mentally form the prayers. You know you need to pray, but how? What? There is a certain comfort in those prayers where the spirit simply intercedes for you because you can't even put the words to it. But reading these prayers helps me engage my mind. It reminds me of the truth of God's word, and the truth of our situation. Stormie has written these prayer books for many relationships...she even wrote one for husbands to pray for their wives. Perhaps the pair would be a great valentine investment. :)

Building Your Mate's Self Esteem by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, was like a gift from heaven when it came my way. I found it for a quarter at a Thrift Store, and though, "Why not?" I had no idea, until I started reading it, how much I really needed it. God really opened my eyes to the different ways my husband struggled with self-esteem, and how so many of the things that he struggled with in life were related to that. I really was unaware. If you don't see yourself getting around to reading a book anytime soon, maybe the CD of the Focus on the Family Radio Broadcast will get your heart moving in the right direction.

Then right along those same lines.....

Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Wow! Such a simple insight. A wife sees love as love. A husband sees love as respect. You don't respect him? He doesn't feel loved. Its pretty simple really.

I really had no idea how disrespectful I was to my husband before I read this book. I didn't realize the impact some of my words and actions had. It really kind of put the practical touches on how to show him honor and love him on his level. I learned to ask God to help me respect him, when I didn't always find it easy.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

In the same way that Love & Respect help you understand the general love language of men, The Five Love Languages sheds further insight on how your specific man likes to be shown love - and how you like to be shown love.

I read this book earlier in our marriage. It actually helped me identify how out of touch I was with my own heart. What made me feel loved?

Bill and I discovered that each of our love languages were the one that was most difficult for the other to meet. Bill's love language is touch (not to be confused with sex). You know, like brushing his shoulders when you walk by or rubbing his head, giving lots of hugs, and reaching for his hand in the car. I'm a personal space kind of girl...not really into all that touching. When I first really started working on this (which I'm ashamed to say was several years after reading the book), I honestly had to discipline myself to touch him. Silly, I know. But it just isn't natural for me. It is becoming more natural, though, and it makes all the difference to him.

Knowing your own love language will help you help your husband love you as well. (I say that because I will not assume you can get your husband to read the book, too. If your house is like mine, I give regular book reports and highlight all the main points in a Cliff Notes style for my non-reader husband.) For instance, my love language is quality time. Usually for me, that means conversation. I am married to, perhaps the quietest man on the planet. He really doesn't like talking all that much. I have put him to sleep many times.

It is easy for our spouses to feel "unloved" simply because we are loving them our way, not their way. It can be a fairly simple adjustment once the light bulb comes on and you ask God for lots of help.

Daily Blessings for My Husband by Melody Carlson, has been another one of those worn out mama life savers! It again, has pages of pre-written blessings on a variety of topics. It is almost like having a greeting card store at your disposal. When you know you need to encourage him or apologize or bless him - but you honestly can't think of anything to say...find the right blessing and leave it open and marked on his pillow. Its never failed me yet.

Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, changed my life. I've often been surprised how many people are leery of the Boundaries books. I guess I was a bit too, until I read it. My "leeriness" was based on mis-assumptions. This book helps address many of the questions that are faced in manipulative and abusive relationships. It helps you stop and realize that if all your relationships seem to head the same direction, then maybe it says more about you than it does for everyone else. In a sense, you teach others how to treat you. You may think that sounds controlling, but really, this book helped me see how much I tried to control others by the misuse of boundaries.

If you are looking for an "out" to the whole submission thing, especially if you think your husband is one that God would make an exception for, this book is for you. But watch out! It isn't what you expect.

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that we all have boundaries. It is just a matter of whether or not we tell others what we are. Most of us are guilty of exploding when someone crosses our boundary. We just assumed they should know. We never actually told them.

It is really difficult to describe all the sludge this stirred up in my life, so you may need a dose of courage to crack it open. But I've never met someone that regretted it. Drs. Cloud and Townsend have many amazing books. This is just one.

Sacred Sex by Tim Alan Gardner

Sex is important in marriage....and not just for the man. If you have some hangups in sex that may have to do with spiritual perception or past guilt, this is a great book.

Growing up in a strong Christian home, I knew that sex was supposed to be saved for marriage. I knew that God planned it that way, and I knew it was right. But what I didn't really understand was how beautiful and spiritual he intended it to be. Sex became a big "no, no!" in my mind, because it was forbidden. Unfortunately, I had some serious mental hang-ups when I got married because it is hard to turn off the "no, no!" switch. Sacred Sex opened my eyes to the beauty of sex from a spiritual viewpoint and helped me understand why God created it the way He did.

Welcome, Kristine Lancette!

I am thrilled to introduce another woman who is joining Those With Young as a writer and advisory panel member. I am thrilled for two reasons. First of all, I'm just thrilled to have partners. God has made us all so different, and I know that the experiences and hearts of the other women joining me here will be able to speak to some so much better than I can. They all have such valuable things to share.  Secondly, I'm thrilled to have Kristine!

Kristine, and her husband Nick, are expecting baby #6. They live in Helena, Montana, where Nick serves as a bi-vocational associate pastor at their "cowboy church" and owns a bed store.

She joins me in the four boys club, but has a precious daughter in the middle there too.

Kristine teaches her kids at home; loves a good outing to the thrift store; and is known for keeping her home warm, clean, and candle-lit....often with Christmas music playing in the background (no matter what time of year it is).

I would have to say that Kristine is quite possibly the most genuinely sweet, soft spoken woman I have ever met. She has been known to evangelize in the grocery store or befriend the Goodwill employee, just because it is natural for her to care about those around her. At the same time, you may also be surprised to know, that she can be one of the biggest pranksters you have ever met.

Kristine's mom went to be with Jesus, when Kristine herself was just a young mom. This of course, left some holes in her heart when it came time for that mothering advice and encouragement in raising her own. 

But in everything, Kristine turns to Jesus. You will love her wisdom, her humor, and her welcoming spirit.

Welcome aboard, Kristine!

Let's Pray

Hello, ladies! Despite giving the Neti Pot a try and dosing myself up good with vitamins and nighttime cold medicine, I'm still extremely miserable. Ugh!

So today, lets just keep working on memorizing this passage, and then I think the best thing to do would be just to spend some time in prayer. Ask God where you could do better in your marriage. Ask him how you could minister to him and do your part better.

I'll be back on Sunday with some great book recommendations. :)...but don't forget to check in tomorrow too, for another exciting announcement.

Memorizing:  "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24

Does it Really Work?

Okay, ladies. First of all, I am struggling with a terrible head cold, that my loving husband gifted me with this week. I just took a dose of nighttime cold medicine, so I'm going to try to make this fast. If you read this tomorrow, and it sounds like I was drunk, then that means I kept writing much longer than I should have.

...or you may just think that anyway because it perhaps would be an easier explanation than believing what I have to share. :)

A reader asked last night, in regards to submission, "What if your husband makes poor choices...?"

Oh, man! Does anyone else's husband make poor choices? Feel free to raise your hand because we can't see each other. We can just identify with each other in spirit and confess to God our disappointment and hurt. It is downright painful. Honestly, I'm wondering if I can really list anything more painful than being a woman of God that wants to see her family following the Lord, but feels like the head of the house is simply not able to lead. It is an awful feeling to feel trapped, almost like God put a cap on your potential, by asking you to submit to a husband that is leading your whole family in what seems to be a horrible direction.

There is so much I'd like to share tonight, and I'm sure we will get to much of it over time...but I feel myself getting woozy. But here are a couple of things I'll say really quick:

1. God takes care of the wife who obeys His Word, even when her husband does not.
2. We are not excused to throw out this passage, when our husbands throw out others.
3. Our goal cannot be to "fix" our family - because, again, we can only do our part. We can't do God's part, and we can't do our husband's part.
4. Our goal can not be about making life "work" here. Our goal has to be to be who God wants us to be here, whether life works or not - because we are living for eternity.
5. No matter how irrational God's plan seems, there isn't a better one. There really isn't a different way to do it and get better results.

I wish I had a couple of hours to just sit with everyone of you hurting over something like this tonight. I'd love to enjoy some coffee with you (or some Theraflu, LOL!) I'd love to pray with you and share with you, because I've been there.

...and because I've been there, I know God is faithful.

I really am praying for you, and if you want me to include your name in my prayers, shoot me an e-mail at thosewithyoung@roadrunner.com.

As The Church Submits to Christ

How is your week going? Have you struggled with this topic? Has it been hard?

True story: My husband and I had some intense moments of "fellowship" around here last night. Do you know what he had the audacity to bring up? It had something to do with his wife's lack of respect.

Now aren't you glad you stopped by here for some insight on the topic? Blush.

I'm pulling for you! Will you pull for me too?

"Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:24

What do we submit in? How does the church submit to Christ? Do we pick areas to submit and leave some out? Does Christ become less of the boss if we decide that we don't like what He asks?

IN THE SAME WAY, we should submit to our husbands.

Really?

Everything?

Now, it is true. This verse can be dangerous if pulled out and made the law without any of the surrounding passages. This verse doesn't speak of the husband's responsibilities. It speaks of ours.

We can only do our part, and we will only be held accountable for our own actions. So we're just gonna keep working on us!

I'm praying for you today. Please pray for me....please?

Memorizing: "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior" Ephesians 5:22-23

On a much lighter note, our first mom sent in some photos last night of their Valentine's project. So fun? Hope to hear from YOU!

Christ....He's in Charge

"...Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." Ephesians 5:23b

Yes, I realize I'm skipping parts...well, I won't really "skip" them, but we are putting them on temporary hold.

Sometimes I stand back in amazement of the way God can transform a heart, ya know? I can't even believe how much the perspective in my heart has changed in the last two or three years in regards to authority and submission.

I don't know if this applies to you or not, but perhaps one of the biggest scars that need healing on the hearts of women are the result of the misuse of authority in their life. It is the scar of people creating more rules for God that confuses a heart between what is true and what is not. It is the scar of manipulation that causes a freedom seeker to resist any authority at all and the submissive one to pick their own captivities.

As I was thinking over this passage today, I was thinking about how women don't really struggle with submitting to our husbands as much as we just struggle with submission in general. So many problems in the church start with women.They start with our tongues, our manipulation, our need for control, our petty jealousies, and our emotional hyper-sensitivities.

Why? There is probably more than one reason. But so much of the time, it boils down to the fact that we make church about "me." We forget who is in charge and who's church it is. We forget who's kingdom is being built. We forget HE is the Savior. I mean, after all, could the church go on if it weren't for all we do for it?

With the kids: Consider, as we dig into these verses, making a diagram for your kids. Maybe you can tack it up to the wall for a few days. It can be really simple. You can start with this simple concept today. Who is on top? Christ. Who is under Christ? The church.

Memorizing:  "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." Ephesians 5:22

How Is Your Project Going?

I have been so encouraged by the excitement over our Valentine's project and have been so blessed by all of your comments and e-mails. I was thinking this weekend that it would be so fun to see what everyone is doing and how our kids are responding to everything.

I had fun working on my basket today. I have this heart shaped basked I've had for years and tend to put out every February. I realized today that I didn't have any colored paper, due to a child how was a little over-zealous about the new paper shredder and fed it our entire package of construction paper. However, I remembered that I had some tissue paper in my gift wrapping stuff....and I love tissue paper in the window with the light shining through.

If you'd like to share how you are doing your project, I'd love to hear from you. You can e-mail pictures and stories about how it is going at your house to thosewithyoung@roadrunner.com. I'd like to post them on the website so we can get to know each other and be encouraged by what God is doing in our families. How about we do it on Friday, the 12th?

I will only post first names. I would love to say what state you are from, so we can get a feel for where our moms are from. If you e-mail anything you'd rather not be posted, let me know. Your privacy and security are important to me.

Yay! Have a great week!

Angela